Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The time I tried to beat the Liquid Gold habit

In the throes of late pregnancy (yes, yes, I found this... again... I'm working hard, 'kay, and I can't stop and write a blog post at the moment orright?!), I was heavily addicted to iced coffee. The end of the love affair, however, went down thus:

Sunday, May 21, 2006

It started out innocently enough. But now I can't get it out of my mind, first thing in the morning it's what I think of. It's like I'm being called and I am weak for it. I think I am addicted.

Yes. I have been in love with IC Strong Iced Coffee now for at least 6 months.

The problem is, I didn't cover my tracks well enough. And Steve found out. It first started with
one empty 1.5L bottle in the recycling bin, with another on the go in the fridge door. To anyone not suspicious, this wouldn't be interesting. But ohhhhh no. Not my Steve. So I've been sneaking around behind his back. Taking the bottles straight to the wheelie bin. Shuffling off to Safeway (my dealer) during the day.

Then, in the ultimate act of stupidity a person with my addiction could make, I asked him to grab me a bottle once, about two months ago when he came with me to help me shop. 'Great!' I thought, 'I can get him to go up to the dairy section and I don't have as far to walk then.'

Yeah. Good PLAN, Einstein.

He came back, bottleless. I looked at him searchingly, checking his hands for the familiar brown container, carrying my fix. But instead, all I got was a lecture on whether I knew how much "those things" cost. My head hung. My heart sobbed.

It's been at least six weeks since my enforced cold turkey. At first, I couldn't even look at that section of the fridge as I passed by. A few weeks passed and I took my first glance, just to see if they're maybe on special, I said to myself. But there were none. There was a gap where they should have been. SOLD OUT! I thought. That'd be right.

And then, I succumbed about a week ago. I knew the section of flavoured milk was right at the end of the fridge, next to the Yakults. And the drinking yogurt. I sauntered up to the edge of the dairy case, held my hand out, and in what could very well have been a scene from a movie, I let out an audible gasp as I saw my hand in front of the spot where it SHOULD have been. No gap, no price tag. The real estate once taken up by my beloved liquid gold had been closed over, taken up by inferior Ideal Dairy and Mooove brands as far as my welling-up eyes could see.

When I got home and relayed the devastating news to Steve, he re-enacted how it must have gone down these past weeks at the IC Strong Iced Coffee factory:

*looking at imaginary endless computer-paper report and scratching head with pen* I don't get it, NSW's figures are good, SA still looks great, Victoria is fine.... but shit, the Whatman shipment isn't shifting. What's happening, people? If this keeps up, we'll have to close the doors.

Yeah, laugh it up, Funnyboy. They've stopped supplying my dealer! Now my only chance is to find some grimey servo that stocks them. And then we'll talk about how expensive it is for a 1.5L bottle of the stuff. Because you've now forced your pregnant wife to go scrounging around every Fuel Zone in the area .... and if I find a bottle, even if it's $3 for a 500ml bottle, you can bet your moccassins I'll be getting it.

*whimper* I can't stop thinkin' about the juice.

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