Later in 2004, I had not a clue, not a whisper of a dare of a hope that I might ever feel like opening my eyes for one more day on this Earth, let alone wonder if any more children were to be our fate. It's just lucky for us that it was. That I never continued my thought process to my eventual untimely end (and how to do it).
It's a tricky thing.
She had to leave. I had to stay. But I know why now.
|Miss Lolly, a month after she burst my heart open even wider|
|The most endearing face in my world, 2008|
|Even when she makes more work for me, she is still my Heaven - 2011|
For if she had not, the world would not have been able to welcome the shining light that is Ellanor's little sister. Like revolving doors, the two girls slipped past each other. Never destined to meet in the flesh.
But those memories I hold in my soft mother heart are Lolly's. They are there for her to wade in, explore, develop for herself. Memories that did not bring Ellanor into being but that ensure she has no beginning or end here on Earth, as it is wherever she goes now. She is the one who is free. She is the one who had the vision to come. And to go. How can I ultimately be anything but impressed by that sheer will? I am frankly in awe of her.
As long as we keep remembering. Their existence will continue to flourish.
In dedication to all the babies who are being cradled
in the memories of their families this festive season.
Peace be with you all.
Together, we will never let them fade.