"I had usually known by March, or at least had a fair idea, where my year was likely to head. Not in 2004, though. In March of that year, I was facing the biggest unknown challenge of my life: How to find a way to survive after the death of our only child."
-- from "INTO THE BLISS: Having & Holding Ellanor" by K. A. Whatman
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After almost six years in the blogging caper, I am here these days mostly for two reasons only - to connect with others and to seek a publisher / agent (not necessarily in that order) to represent and print my memoir. You can help? Contact me, I'd love to hear from you!
INTO THE BLISS: Having & Holding Ellanor by K.A. Whatman
When a succession of early pregnancy failures leads to a medical investigation of the cause, Kirrily and Steve are thrust into a genetic nightmare they could never have imagined. Striving to maintain a viable pregnancy, a number of years pass and eventually their precious daughter, Ellanor Ruby, is born. She is perfect and has made it through the chromosomal maze. But they are beset by further tragedy when their baby girl slips through their fingers and loses her hold on life.
"INTO THE BLISS" is a journey of self-discovery and the ancestral strengths that are uncovered and evolve out of Kirrily's determination to make life count after the death of their baby. A true love story, Kirrily's narrative takes the reader on an inspirational journey as she seeks spiritual meaning in a life that at first appears to have been left seemingly empty. What follows is the couple’s renewal of faith and their resolve to continue while they face the odds of their genetic factor infertility. Together, they endure IVF procedures, premature birth, neonatal loss and the pressure of maintaining a marriage littered with miscarriages that eventually number in the double figures. Along the way, Kirrily meets Ellanor long before she is conceived. Feeling guided by this intriguing voice that encourages her to keep striving for that elusive child, no matter the odds, theirs is a bond that proves love truly knows no bounds.
"INTO THE BLISS" chronicles the relationship fallouts that occur for the couple as an indirect result of living their reproductive years clouded by these factors, including the inevitable sacrifice of connections that prove too difficult and painful to maintain. Kirrily shares with the reader a personal retrospective account of her lessons learned from these areas of “baby making” and babies dying.
An ultimately uplifting story of triumphs and tragic loss, “INTO THE BLISS: Having & Holding Ellanor” is a subtle "How To" (or, how not to) guide, gracefully weaving together self-healing hints and a platform for understanding others' positions, providing gentle clues for those needing to step through the apparent minefield of a loved one’s loss or difficulty to conceive.
Quotes from the book:
"So I began to dance a macabre two-step with my pain. Never quite giving over to it completely but seemingly never working out a way to get rid of it either. Not that I was really sure I was ready to, for in my mind that would be like willingly erasing the most overpowering feelings of love I had for my daughter. But there had to be a way to reduce my pain. And I resolved to strive to seek it out."
"The fact was, Ellanor had chosen very wisely. I was guided to the conclusion that her death was not because of anything I was not, as a person or a mother or partner. She was not born to leave me. Her life was not simply about her death alone. Her purpose was not four weeks long, or only to be here for such a short amount of time, not after all the work she put in to be born."