Friday, May 23, 2008

Will she ever smell the same again?

This morning, it happened. For the first time ever, I had to clean up someone else's vomit. That word I can't even see typed on a screen without my stomach contracting and twinging and threatening to sympathise.

Yes, that is correct. The chunder bus dropped off its passengers in the LGBB's bed. Well, technically, mostly in her hair, on her mattress, down her pj's, spattered on Scraps and dear Marley appears to have taken the brunt of the explosion.

She awoke to discover the carnage and let out some rather alarmed "Daddeeeee"s. Daddy was half way to work by now, as the LGBB had still been asleep when he left this morning. So, unbeknownst to me, I headed in to confront the stench. And when I stood looking down and she looked back up at me, half crouching, half suspended above her soggy chunky mattress, I had half a mind to call Daddeeeee and tell him to turn right round now and come help me, let me tell you, or else I'd have more than double the amount of spew to clean up.

Are my prego readers enjoying this, by the way? I do apologise, but if not.... I can't see why not *insert most evilly coy smiley here* Perhaps just avert your eyes until the next entry...

So once my mind connected the dots (ie. smell hits olfactory nerves, foggy morning brain cranks into action, recognises the strong acidic fumes, realises it gave birth to the thing causing the offending smell and that there is nobody else responsible enough in the house to clean it up for you, you'll just have to reach your big girl hands in and grab the child out of the mess), I undressed Lolly in her bed, lifted her out and held her at arms' length over to the change table. Ahh. Great. Both ends needed cleaning, it seemed. Highly unusual for her to have a dirty overnight nappy. I was thinking at this stage the poor poppet must have something brewing in that upset tummy of hers.

She thought it was funny when mummy jogged her up the hallway to the bathroom. What she didn't know was that mummy heard the horrifying plops of chunks of chunder falling from the LGBB's hair. Oh dear God. And she also didn't notice mummy calculating just exactly how much trouble it'd be to just shut the door on that end of the house forever and live in the front half. Surely nobody would miss half the house. It'd sure as hell save any confrontation of half-digested stomach contents.

Is anyone still reading? Muahahahaha.

So in the bath, I rubbed and scrubbed. Good and proper. The dear wee girl stood and watched as the bath filled, she had those sicky-shakes, you know the ones you get when you've put all your energy into heaving. And even though I washed and rinsed and washed her hair.... it still makes my eyes water this afternoon in a confined space.

What am I going to do if she never smells fresh again?! Shall I give her head a buzz cut? Is Lolly's hair like Jerry's car now? What's more, she's been in bed asleep for two hours now and *whispers* I can still smell sick. At the other end of the house. It's in my nose. Maybe it's in my nostril hair! Do I have nostril hair? (Of course I do, it's a dumb question... skip that)

And what's worse, I've washed my hands so many times today but just before, I leaned my head on my hand and..... I smelled it there too. Eeeeeeeew.

We had to give Marley, Scraps and Comee (the bunny) a good hearty bath too. In the kitchen sink. Suds aplenty. The LGBB was most satisfied with our work. And then, oh joy, they had to get dried. I don't think I've laughed harder than seeing the little tails of these two dogs "wagging" in the air of the ducted heating vent. I have no idea why I thought it was amusing, but it tickled me no end, seeing these two lay-abouts lapping up the warm toasty air like all their doggy dinners had come at once.

The smell is now also altering my sanity. Obviously.

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