Thursday, November 26, 2009

Ummm, excuse me...

Who are you and what have you done with my baby girl???

I looked outside yesterday and saw a leggy blonde in place of my little daughter who used to be there, in her place, just last week.

Now, she's all 'Kira and Sonny are my friends' and 'I want to wear tights and a Xanadu top to the pub'... we walked up to the local bistro for a family dinner and she was insistent on wearing this get-up, which looked strangely familiar:

"A million lights are shining and there you are, a shooting staaaar...
*guitar strum-strum-strum*


I thought about saying no. But then I heard my objection in my head [NO! It's far too cold, cover your shoulders, Miss, you're not going out to the pub dressed like that!!] and realised I wasn't commanding a teenager to tone down the dress code. And anyway, she had already made me put the "Kira-ribbons" in her hair. The outfit wouldn't have been complete without them. Olivia Newton-John has a lot to answer for.

So I decided not to rain on the parade of a little girl so beautifully gripped by her first real obsession, dreamy with the ideal of a friendship and believing in a world where you can jump into a brick wall and enter another dimension making a whooshing sound as you go (shit, I hope she never tries that or we'll have some explaining to do to the plastic surgeon who has to try and reconstruct her face).

Lolly swanned up the street, fanning her "pretty Kira dress" out all the way and doing little pirouette-type moves. It was gorgeous. And I was so happy watching her being a little girl. Although, I am beginning to wish I could put her in a time capsule or bronze her up like Han Solo so I can just keep her at this age. It's a tricky thing, losing one little girl and only having the one child here - I constantly have this sense of underlying panic: "What if I forget to remember everything about her? What if I forget to enjoy everything about her? I didn't get to do any of this with her big sister, and I may never again get to witness it with any subsequent children for it just seems less and less likely we'll have any more..."

The balance of allowing her to grow at her pace - without wanting to stifle her rapid development and at the same time wishing she'd slow down so I can drink it all in, lest I miss this second (and only) child of mine growing into the unique person that she is destined - is tricky. With a capital T.

And look, I'm really sorry for the swag of the X-word related posts of late. But the thing is, it's all I am surrounded by at the moment. We are in full manic grip here *presses face to monitor* GO, LEAVE ME! SAVE YOURSELLLLVES!

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