Sunday, November 1, 2009

And so: Where I Am Today

Having been struck by yet another nose cold in the past few days (that would make, er, I don't know how many this year... let's call it an even dozen), I have been compelled to read through my Magenta class manual again.

Magenta, the Tough Love mother that presents the same lesson over and over and yet over again until you "get it". I was drawn to it in preparation for going through my Energenetic manuals (which deal with Family Lore Healing and viral intrusion/astral interference, etc.).

Bringing it all together, I realise that I am basically cycling in my own cess pit. Hence, the repetitive illness that has plagued me all year (and cost me a molar!). I have actively sought higher awareness, greater spiritual insight, striven for understanding..... and then put a lid on it, via a hastily acquired yet rather arduous foray into the world of permanent part-time work. Thankfully, I am aware enough to know it wasn't going to work out anytime soon (or for any good reason) and, its purpose realised and at its conclusion, I didn't flog the horse any longer than I felt necessary.

What I have experienced off the back of this (my final day was last Tuesday) has been nothing short of a bolt upright lesson. The LGBB has become hellishly reliant on her dummy and throws herself into fits of wails and theatrical sobs when she is denied it, not put-on ones either which is the hardest, wrenching part of it all, she's also become really lethargic (in an idle way, not a "coming down with something" way, for it come and goes). All she seems to want to do is watch the TV - and that is all she has been asking to do.

The moment I started actively and diligently trying to sort this (her/me/what's going on here, on a non-physical level), she perked up. I began on Friday in the last hour before I picked her up from kindy. That afternoon, she was herself again. And so it has persisted through the weekend, whilst I hold the energy of what is affecting her and me until I get these moments to grab and bone up on the lesson I've been presented.

I think I'm onto something here. I can see a genetic pattern that plays itself out in our little family of three now, including how I manifest colds regularly (stuffy noses, adenoidal problems, hayfever affliction, chest cold susceptibility), and I can see the psychological pattern as well. I am still holding fresh in my memory the sight of a relative of mine, using "the sniffles" as an attempt to grab some sympathy - my intolerance to this at the time highlighted to me the fact that this may very well be something I would need to look at in myself (I often find that things which annoy or grate on me most with others are a reflection of my own deep-seated actions as well, but I find some of these very difficult to accept or admit to - I am always aware, though, that like often attracts like). I can see that this recurrent pattern of my own is what I use, subconsciously, to avoid and deflect and postpone the real heart of matters. I sometimes see these colds coming... and instead of looking for the esoteric (so to speak) cause, I always head into the "oh NOOOO, not again, why poor me???" It always stops my learning in my tracks while I, naturally, use up all my resources and energy on getting "over" the latest lurgy. And when I'm done, why, whatever learning there was to gain has lost its importance! Forever fizzled into the Ether.

And yet, it's not lost. It will come around. Again. And again. And still again.

It may very well come out physically like a cold, but I am also starting to decipher the implications of the psychological reasoning (the way I was raised, the social aspects I have been influenced by and so forth) behind it all. And I am hoping I can put into practice some of the theory I have been absorbing for the past few years, to see if I can pull it all together and heal the family pattern in this manner.

As always, with something like this, I've come to learn that the ultimate focus is "service to others." I may well be resolving a genetic line pattern, but there is a very important social challenge in nutting it out as well. Contemplation of the wisdom inherent in the Devil card (of the Tarot - here is just one very short online 'nutshell' view of it) has been one way of testing my level of spiritual maturity and will. If anything, I have an underdeveloped ego - I have written in huge letters on one page of my Energenetics II manual, "Stop Being Small!" SBS. Indeed.

A stand-out exerpt from this same page reads:

"For you to be able to accomplish this task -
• you must recognise that the past is the past;
• you need to be actively creative with your intuition;
• your intuitive creativity needs to be directed toward higher awareness so you can be productive;
• you must work through your issues by actively changing your behaviours;
• you must walk away from past manipulations;
• you must deliberately focus upon what is positive ('my cup is half-full, rather than half-empty')-no matter what may be happening in your life and no matter how you feel, emotionally- in order to create a new way of being;
• you should be grateful (whether you feel it or not) for the present situation in which you find yourself; ('What I am experiencing is part of the bigger picture, which I don't know about... yet');
• you should remember that being physically active within the realm of Nature will provide your psyche with a better ability to open up and become aware of your psychological state of mind. (where "Nature" goes far beyond "being outdoors with the trees and flowers and butterflies" - rowing self-awareness makes kinship with Nature so obvious that separation from nature is no longer possible)

I'm letting the work do the work today. I think my time for being idle this year is up. I asked my teacher just the other day if it really is "this simple". And now I understand her reply that, yes, it can be - if you're willing to let it. I keep mussying up the process by perceiving things from a pain-body angle. Another family pattern! Sooooooo.... off to spend some time gardening in the outdoors, now that I have done a bit of study on it this afternoon, for I need time for integration and reflection to take place.

Hope yours has been a good one, wherever you are, peeps.

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