I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Im so tired but I cant sleep
Standin on the edge of something much too deep
Its funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we cant be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Im so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesnt let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
I realised with a sudden, impacting sadness this afternoon that I had forgotten I Will Remember You.
One of THE most beautiful songs with goose pimple-inducing memories, for mine. I can't believe, even in the writing of my book for the past, what, 18 months solid, that I forgot how I used to listen to this song several times in one sitting, several times a week. It was this song that helped me connect my head to my heart to my feet and ground me. I would wail the words along to Sarah (not that I'm saying she wails!) and sing horribly out of tune with my free emotions, into the empty lounge room, the empty bedrooms, the empty kitchen and heart of my home.
I sang it for her. And I forgot until today that it existed. With a start, I have been shaken this afternoon somewhat with the knowledge that such a huge gift in my life (this song and its ability to be the vehicle to help me further through my own path to healing) went by the wayside. And why so shaken? Because I've been left pondering what else I have forgotten.
I knew, but never admitted to anyone before now, that I was going to forget. I knew in the first hour after her death. In the first days and then certainly after the first months had gone by. But I had no. Fucking. Choice.
I had to leave my baby behind. I wept and wept and PROMISED myself not to forget. But I know I have forgotten. So, so much. And it makes me so sad to realise it's simply... what is. And I am told I must accept this. No matter what, I can't change the fact that I can't remember what I've even forgotten. A cellular memory, a knowing that I did know and I did experience all of it and tried valiantly as any mother would to hold on to the touch, the feel, the smell and sounds of her child, has to be enough.
And it is.
Enough.
