Saturday, October 4, 2008

That Mummy *tut tut*

I had one of those sleeps last night. It hasn't happened in so long. You know those ones where you sleep all night, you don't wake at all and you feel comatose when you wake in the morning - so tired your brain is trying to convince you you've actually been up all night?

One of those.

I was dreaming when I woke up, actually, it was a dream that was going longer than my sleep. I looked at the clock beside the bed and it was 7.30. Oh my Gawd! An extra half hour, how luxurious. It did nothing to fill the seemingly empty tank, unfortunately, but there was some gooey delicious satisfaction at having lazed about that extra half hour.

My dream was about getting a recovering addict back into the workforce. How strange it was. This guy was FULL ON too. Really high energy, hyper kind of personality. It was so real. That must have been where the marathon feeling when I awoke has come from. There was also some sort of focus group in one of the offices there (and another office with glass windows with a bloke, back at work after finishing his 'program' - a recovery of some sort that I was not made aware of - asleep in a bed taking a rest so he didn't overdo it on his first week back... huh??) and the head of this group was the midwife who looked after me on my hospital stay last year with the LGBB.

This woman, Jan, was integral in me waking myself up and flying straight, that week I went to sleep school. I gained so much self-confidence in what I was doing with Lolly that it springboarded me, along with a few very timely and pertinent hints and tips, into getting on with the job before me - and not agonising so much over the one I never got to do with Ella. It was okay to have moments, I realised, but not okay to not be able to move forward with Lolly into the future. A tough time. And as usual, everybody around me was just saying "It's a new baby, you'll be fine!" when it was so, so, so much more than that, under the surface. Once again, as we are so liable to do as people relating to people, they were focusing on the iceberg and forgetting to look under the surface.

Aaaaaanyway, as I wandered past the door, Jan was speaking on behalf of this group in saying that they were all happy and thankful that I had come along when I did and that my help had been invaluable. HUH?? Who are you people!?

And then, the addict who was heading back to work that day found me and we made last-minute plans about how he would work out what he was doing and how he'd get home that day so it wasn't all overwhelming. It was so strange. So bloody real! I know, I've said that already.

And then I woke. The LGBB was overheard chatting to her toys - Bunny, Sherry, Scraps and Marley - and Steve stirred when I did and got up to her. I couldn't get up. I was so flat-knackered that I just lay there. And went back to sleep and the dream was right there, still before my eyes. Mostly, I think I wanted to make sure this guy was going to be okay.

Then I hear Lolly's trademark stomps coming up the hall. She sounds like we've taped two bricks to her ankles, her steps are sometimes so heavy. It's her funny-walk, the one she does when she's being "funny".

"MUM!" she exclaimed loudly in my ear. "YOU WAKE UP!" So I stirred and turned over and said 'morning and she left Scraps with me, announcing we were to "wait right here" and that she was going to come back after eating breakfast. So I did what I was told (if I must) and shut my eyes again, dozing, for I don't know about you all but I can't sleep once she's up - not with the bedroom door open and some two year-old merrily talking at a decibel level just below ears-bleeding as well - when she decided to march back in and say, her tone somewhat disdainful I might add,

"HEY! That Mummy. She's asleep AGAIN!" Like it's something I do ALL THE TIME.


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