Wednesday, July 23, 2008


As at lunchtime Wednesday, I've now been driven to putting my feet up under the covers in bed. Keeping warm, keeping grounded, "plugging in" and really concentrating hard is all I can do to keep my end of the bargain up. Still no pain. But whole lot of pink. And brown. And a little bit of *sorry about this next word* sludge.

I'm just going to be focusing on that little womb room in there, occupied by one strong energy at present, and if it decides to stay in the body that has been conceived for it, then all well and good. If not... I do believe it will hang around til the right one, next time.

It's not lost on me that this is exactly what happened with Ella. But it's not her. And it's not that situation either. Been there, learned from that, don't think it would be of any benefit this far into my journey to go through that same thing again. So, no. This is not going to be a repeat of my past.

Even if the end result is not supposed to be a baby (this time), I am really going with the experience. Doing things differently. Treating myself with respect and love. I have nobody else to do it. Steve is at an auction today all day, buying for work, and I can't reach him right now to ask him to come home. Currently, I am sitting with my feet up, bum down, in bed under the doona. Lolly is sitting next to me and we're having corn chips and a salsa/refried bean/sour cream dip for lunch - complete protein, good for vego's like us! - and we have a stack of books, Foxtel and an assortment of "friends" (it's Scraps and a little tiny dolly that the LGBB calls Cutiepie today) to keep us happy.

I feel so warm and snug. I feel like I have done myself a good turn already just by putting my feet up and putting myself first. There are worse things that can happen to Lolly than be subjected to a day of tv. I wanted to watch LazyTown (shuddup) so she has to too ... not that she's complaining, she loves it.

In a moment, I'll be putting her to bed, getting some hearty vegetable soup and coming back to bed to watch some awesomely crappy Hallmark movie. Aaaaah.

I've cancelled all the appointments (except the GP visit for my referral tomorrow) that I had lined up for the next three days. That included some auditing assignments out and about and I have had to call my people and let them down. I felt dreadful doing it, a couple of them were a bit miffed but hey. This is serious stuff and I am in my crunch week.

Sometimes, if you don't put down the ground rules, people will just continue to accept all that you are prepared to give them. And I can't be that available anymore. Not now. I'm learning that now.

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