I draw the line here

There are only so many things that can be named "Mummy". I don't mind when it's, say, the actual mummy from the LGBB's little doll's house. That's fine. I don't mind when it's something of mine, like my hairbrush. Or an empty coffee mug. I can get that she means "mummy's". If she says "Mummy" to start all of her sentences for a few days, that's all good. Love it.

But when she inadvertently refers to me as the weight challenged, snide-remarking head of the local fat fighters' club, I just have to wonder: does she see Marjorie Dawes as a maternal figure? Or does she see me as a bald male actor dressed as a blonde-bobbed cake lover in denial with her weight issewes?

Yes, that's right. The LGBB has started calling a Little Britain fridge magnet "Mummy!" The exclamation and sincerity in her voice when she tells her to "C'mon, mummy. Cooking, mummy?" at her little kitchen really does fill me with a sense of unease.