Hope you like it.
More soon!
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14th June, 2007
I have no idea where this is going to end up but I need to log it in this timeline somehow.
I've been clearing a space each morning (energetically more than anything) to enable me to carry out work on this writing I'm doing. I go in with a ritual of shifting and clearing any incorrect energy so that I remain focused and responsible.
It's usually the same old subjects: myself, Steve and the LGBB, our home and belongings. They all get thrown in there when I do a clearing. The past few mornings when I've gone to do it, though, Ella's name has inched its way into my consciousness. One of those inclusions that just flowed so easily that I knew I wasn't forcing it in there. I've been hesitant to include her, wondering why or how on earth my doing a clearing could possibly pertain to her. I see her as a soul far wiser and more capable than me down here doing my bit.
But I think that's where I've gone astray. Perhaps just misguided or naive.
I included Ella in the process this morning and then got started on my work. An hour passed without feeling like even a minute had gone by, when I raised my head out of it again I realised I'd hand written four pages without stopping. Such is the way I write when I really need to, it's so much more constructive too when it comes to me like that.
Anyway, I started back on the computer for a brief moment before Ella's name popped into my head again. It wasn't "her", as such, not like old times - certainly no dialogue was exchanged - but I felt the need to talk to someone about it so I gave one of my intuitive friends a call.
What ensued was a "lightbulb moment" of a conversation. Just incredible. Once I had finished explaining that Ellanor seemed to be wanting to be included lately in my clearing and protection, my friend said, "Why ever would she not? She is a part of your family - yours, Steve's, Lolly's. You're her mother, you represent her connection to Mother Earth in this lifetime, of course she would come to you when she feels the need for some added protection."
Hearing it in such simple, factual terms just made me crumble. I don't know why it took her to say it, after all, I have been struggling (it feels like) for so long to retain the title of "Ella's mum" to anybody who's still willing to hear me rant about it. And then, something so easy and flowing as a simple morning ritual is the thing to really bring it back into perspective for me.
Now I am clearer.
And the turtle connection? When I rang, my friend had been researching and meditating with Turtle, who had come to her first thing this morning. Her mother passed away (she too had experienced a neonatal loss some 60 years ago, back in a time when there was no such thing as expressing oneself on the largely accepting realm of the internet, or anything similar for that matter) and she was drawn to uncovering a bit more about Mother Earth and the mother connection today. My phone call came right in the middle of this work for her.
What I gleaned today is that Turtle, who lays her eggs in the sand, where they hatch and many not make it to the ocean as they fall prey to predators, never loses her threads of connection to all her babies.
And I blubbered. Hell yeah, I did when I heard that. Just beautiful.
What I gleaned today is that Turtle, who lays her eggs in the sand, where they hatch and many not make it to the ocean as they fall prey to predators, never loses her threads of connection to all her babies.
And I blubbered. Hell yeah, I did when I heard that. Just beautiful.
