Violet Day

This week, I find myself in a strange place. I'm in a pit. Of self-pity and past patterning, familiar to me yet so completely redundant that I feel quite ashamed I displayed it so obviously here on my blog.

On getting in to work this morning, it took only a few moments on the phone to a mentor to discover that what I am dealing with here is a sort of.... full circle energy. Something that needs to be completed. Passed over, if you will.

There have been a number of incidents here at home in the past week and, in no particular order of importance, they are:

• Steve quit his job, after 17 years (more on that in a later post, for I am ever so proud of him) - definitely a tying off of loose ends happening there, as he is being made to work out his 4 weeks' notice;
• The LGBB got into a punch-up last Friday, in a push circle with boys. I'm intrigued by this and am working with my own feelings about it (and hers - although she seems mostly unaffected, which is surprising to me as it turns out), coming to points of needing to clear energy surrounding that event as well. I was shocked, baffled, sad that she was in that situation, and then this has swiftly given way to looking on the situation as something she wanted to take on - the details around the fight, from Lolly herself, indicate that she decided to take matters into her own hands, so it looks like a clear-cut case of experimentation and mimicking (copying something she knows her father and I do not condone, so an exertion of independence, rebellion and a bit of stealth - none of them reported it to the teachers - going on as well);
• I had my birthday on Sunday. I am putting an end to another era - the era where a fuss is made over you on your birthday. Well.. not fuss, I suppose, but... focus? Something else, perhaps? Fryingpan-gate was merely a ruse, for the real issue I was dealing with, I discovered this morning, was the fact that my father - the only parent who is coherent and (apparently) in my life, has completely forgotten that he greeted me 35 years ago on Sunday. So, dealing with the last remaining "harumphs" over that (like a brattish teen).

At this point, I can see I am uncharacteristically lashing out and being quite insensitive - nay, actually, probably uber-sensitive is more to the point - with the people I share this house with. Over the past two nights combined, I have had barely 10 hours' sleep (Steve has another cold and is rattling like Darth Vader) and it is helping to impair my judgement somewhat. But it only dawned on me this morning that I am taking on whatever they are dealing with as well.

When a child goes to day care (long/short/occasional), they come home with a lot of group conscious conditioning. I have been remiss lately in helping the LGBB "de-sponge" herself and close down before going to sleep. The Monsters have been making their predictable appearance in tandem with that.

And with Steve and his workplace situation, I am being entirely neglectful - hurtful, even - in not throwing him a bone for the monumental death process he is stepping through. How insensitive of me. All I could bang on about (no pun intended) was frypans. Woe is me. Bloody 'ell.

So today, I am calling in to practice what I do know about this worldly process of energies - what is unseen but affects us and meddles occasionally in the equilibrium of a more peaceful life - and I am writing it here as testament to my commitment to get back on track with what I know I am supposed to be doing.

Some may read this and say I'm being too hard on myself. But the thing is, it is my responsibility to be true to myself and honour my space and place by keeping spiritually 'active' - I am a sensitive, I am affected by energies bouncing off others. I can ruddy well do something about it, instead of flailing into a pit of self-wallowing (and self-loathing for said wallowing, when all is said and done)! I keep forgetting that last part. Hnngh *pitiful Frank Spencer look to camera*

Without further ado, I'm off to do a clearing. Have a happy, productive day, peeps!