Saturday, June 19, 2010


1. pertaining to or involving emotion or the emotions.
2. showing or revealing very strong emotions.
3. governed by emotion.
4. all of the above.

I don' t know exactly why - that is, the root cause is unknown - but I have been a tad "all of the above" these past couple of days.

Today was my tipping point.

I have been bombarded with Ella-related statements this week. I eventually resorted to showing the LGBB her baby album (a scrap book which I started when she was born, continued up til she was about 11 months old and haven't looked at since.... you know, one of those jobs), when I was being challenged about the fact that she and Ellanor were at one point the same baby.

I know she is not confused about this. She never has been before and I have to work hard to keep my adamant refuting at bay. It's simply not going to be an issue, I cannot allow it. But in her mind, the way she sees it at this point in her evolution, Miss Lolly was indeed Ellanor when she was a newborn. She is very specific too, about the time period. It is a little disconcerting and if I didn't know any better, the hairs would be raised on the back of my neck. But this kid has had plenty of experiences in her short four years so far that have sometimes rendered me stunned. So I am not about to continue to challenge her and make a "thing" of it. I am just going to do the grown-up thing..... cover my ears and "la-la-la-la" my way out until she gets distracted and drops the claim.

So that was the first thing to rattle my cage. Next, there was the nail-biting wait when an interested overseas publisher responded favourably a couple of weeks ago to my request for permission to send some of my book chapters for consideration for publication. Today, I received feedback - in the positive!!! - and a feeling like second base has been achieved there. Oh my giddy aunt, but I haven't finished and it's all a mess and my characters are flawed and nowhere near strong enough (anyone know where I can get some inspiration for beefing up character development????) and... and... and...

I feel like Charlie Bucket being roused by his granddad the night before presenting the Golden Ticket at the chocolate factory. I need to shine my hair, brush my shoes, polish my teeth! I'm all confused and a-tizz!

Third, and finally, on the subject of This Parenting Gig and not realising an almost-four year-old could already slay me with words and make me feel like I was back wearing my high school uniform being taunted by the most cruel of the girls in the group, as well as feeling sometimes like I'm the only grown-up in the house, I sent an SOS email to a kindred friend. She sent me a very sympathetic - and topical - reply that made me feel very much more normal in my Good Cop/Bad Cop role.

I freely admit: I was in my Kid Shoes when I wrote this. Felt completely raw and stripped bare after a week of it. But thought it wouldn't be an honest-injin blog if I didn't offer up the downright ergly as well as the witty. Right?

Me: Am choosing to feel a bit kicked in the teeth right now. Just spent the morning out of the house, went and booked Lolly's party (mini golf) and did all of that. Got Steve a couple of new shirts, L some swimming shorts and a beanie. Had lunch all together. Was a decent morning of family time.
Came home, Lol helped me "clean" the kitchen so we spent good time together then. Sat together writing out all the invites, more time together. Then, and I can only think it's because lately I've been saying I can't play with her a bit more than usual, she tells me "I don't want you to come to my party. I just want to go with my Dad." And she said it really possessively.
You know how BIG an event a kid's party is to a kid - I can't help feeling that her intent was to hurt me. I was just like "WhatEVERRRR".
I hate that I have to be the one who dishes out the discipline, dishes out the instructions on chores, reprimands the two of them (sometimes when they're the two who are bickering!). Just on and on and on. I've been crying this afternoon. I'm so over it today.

She: Ah dude that sucks :( Was she looking at you when she said it, like trying to see your reaction? Was she just over-partied out cos of writing the invitations etc?
It sucks that you're the bad cop (I'm guessing?) Because you're sooooo a good cop. The type we need as police commish cos you won't be corrupt. The type who won't go out to Sizzler when there are bushfires. (eluding to this, for if you're not within Australia, you won't get the reference, I daresay)

Me: That just made me cryyyyyyyyy more! You know when you've been crying and your eyes hurt and then something makes you laugh, so you laugh sort of like a crazy person and then you cry again because the act of laughing after the big cry makes you remember you've been.... crying?

THAT, dear reader(s), is why good friends are worth their weight in gold. I feel mucho better and snapped out of it.

And when you get around to reading this.... Much obliged, my good lady friend!

(but can I just say, again, in very small, small print: SQUEEEEE! A publisher!????!!!)

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