Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Got to hand it to her

The girl knows how to blow me away with the things she comes out with.

When I collected the LGBB today from occasional care, she was her usual chipper self. Quiet in the car, satisfied with a drink and a little chocolate egg... in keeping with the season she knows nought about except a "silly bunny who keeps dropping eggs in the garden." Sweet.

We got home, I dealt with an insurance quote assessor (the saga continues) while the LGBB did some mazes from her maze book - she's totally into them at the moment.

When I came back inside, I headed for the kitchen to begin cleaning it. It's been a busy week. Productive but busy. Today, I finally completed work on a big website. The client is ecstatic. So am I! Now I can invoice them and upload the thing.

On a more esoteric note, at the same time I am working on something else with a particularly testing energy. It's challenging. But ultimately, so in tune with what I know I need to be doing, to balance my very grounded physical work with websites, design and computer stuff. Over the past few days, I have been intensive with my work in this other realm. That's all I want to say about that (sorry for the vagueness!).

Anyway, there have been times in Lolly's short life where I have been visibly busier. I have been tested. I have been sore and sick and sorry for myself. And still working. But she has never said to me what she said today. It was a very rewarding confirmation, in a twofold sense, both of the insight I was given about the LGBB and the special nature of our kinship, and also the "assignment" (as a light worker) I have always trusted I was working towards but was for some reason as yet unrealised (despite many confirmations along the way from people I have helped, in various manners - from assisting a couple to find their children, who were born to another biological mother but ultimately found their way to these intended parents, to other lesser affiliated souls, requesting help, whom I have never laid eyes on but for whom I get little healing messages/instructions that always prove true...). I can thank/blame my upbringing, I think, that I am so oblivious to the signs that seem obvious to so many others - it's still a blinding wonder to me that I can do this and overwhelmingly humbling because of the personal nature of these circumstances.

But this is the first time I have assisted someone quite in this way before. And it is being led by something other than me, consciously, yet I know what I have to do. Kind of like reading a recipe and knowing, from that, what ingredients to put in, but then the head chef will come along and taste test and suggest another herb or a little more of "this or that".... The head chef, in this instance, is the higher guidance of both/either myself and/or the other person. I just do what I'm instructed in that instance.

So the LGBB, all of a sudden tired of her maze tracing, says rather sympathetically to me as I come back inside, "You working hard today. Mummy did lots of work."

"Yes I did," I said to her, almost distracted to the point of even noticing her intonation. She persisted and left her book, coming over to me with arms outstretched, looking drawn and tired. "Mummy worked hard. That makes me sleepy." And she really was.

I was told a long while ago that my children - both Ellanor and Lolly - were the other two sides of my working triangle. The sifters, lifters and finders of the redundant mess surrounding the world on the astral level, in our little corner of the world and what we've been enlisted and joined together to do at this time.

Of course when I am pulled to assist, in a universal sense, she is going to be affected. We are intrinsically, somehow inexplicably, linked in this manner. Even as a baby, she would be listless and drawn and tired during times when I was learning/working the most on this etheric level.

Only now, though, am I beginning to really live it. See it. Integrate what I have been studying. Most amazing to me at this time, this week, are the points of connection I am making between females, mothers, violation, fertility, the father line... it just keeps coming and coming. The symmetry around me at the moment, even with reconnecting with my old love and his affinity with cats and also some of the things he was explaining as having had happened to him over the past twenty years and the connections I've privately made with the work I am currently doing (on a group conscious level), is making me feel very small - a speck in the universe's history - and that, in turn, keeps me grounded and mindful of my egoic ways (which cannot get in the way of my work). It's also making me go "Wow, wow... WOW!"

It will forever be humbling, for it involves such deeply personal healing work with and for others.

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