Random stuff I wanna know

1. Where has my sweet little girl gone?
2. Why has she been replaced by a scary.... no wait, I know the answer to that one: it's a little of Column A (teething those blasted 6 year-old molars that are taking their agonisingly long bog-damn time coming through, the poor poor darlin') and a little of Column B (general narkiness leading into that gorgeous, feisty Being known as The 4 Year-Old Miss... that's normal, right? *grabs onto the nearest reader-parent/gp/carer of a young girl desperately for reassurance*)
3. HOW did hailstones the size of tennis balls miss Ella's cherub?! (and thank god they did, just quietly, because various neighbours have lost garden ornaments)
4. Why did it take me a couple of decades to look up the words to Stayin' Alive, seeing as I love the movie and the song so much, to realise that I'd been singing the chorus wrong all these years? Imagine my dismay to discover I had been belting out "Phyllis says he's breakin' and everybody's shakin' Stayin' alive, stayin' alive". When really, it's "Feel the city breakin'..."
5. Who the f@^* is Phyllis?
6. Why did I have the presence of mind to ask the 'oosband to thlap the thunthcreen on my shoulders but... uh.... didn't put any on my arms? Owwwch. And double ouch. See, we went to the beach on the weekend for a couple of nights, prearranged with friends (it took me the whole two days to relax from our past week of fiasco's and then it was time to head back home to see if the roof was still on), and I think I was just so intent on getting the LGBB's lily-white skin covered that I forgot my own - oh, yes, she gets the delicate English rose (read: easily burned and never, ever tanned) complexion from me. I even have Steve's honking great sunscreen-laden finger imprints there in white, on top of the raging red sunburn on both arms. What a dufus.
7. How is it that no matter what I do, I can't get the awful chin hairs to need plucking at the same time? I swear... that day I was catching the train to school and I saw the elderly woman shaving - yes, full on, shaving with a disposable razor on a moving, morning commuter train - over in the corner, I never realised that one day I would be stroking the hairs on my chinny-chin chin like some wise old Fu Man Chu myself. Fark.
8. Where did my reading time go? It's permanently vanished, into the never-never.
9. Come to think of it.... where has my PATIENCE gone?
10. AND my sense of yumour? They've all gone! Over the hill and far a-way....