Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It's coming and it's already nauseating

This year, the LGBB is that much more aware of our emotions. Of reading our faces. Of knowing what tears and drawn faces mean.

I don't want to tell her why her Dad will be home from work with us next Tuesday. But we will. Together, Steve and I will probably try to explain it's the birthday of a little girl who never reached the age to even blow out just one candle.

It's hit me with a thud today. My heart is heavy in my chest and feels like a rock against my back. I went out for a few supplies before and walked out of the shops fighting back tears. By the time I reached the car, they were spilling down my face. This is usual. Typical now of life without a child here. I feel like I'm used to it now, this far along. But while it's familiar, it's still sad.

If you're new to reading this blog and want to be backtracked, please take a moment and share with me one of the first posts on this, my newest blog. I'd be grateful of the understanding.

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