Saturday, July 10, 2010

My dear friend, Blog

I think it's time, lovey. I really think it's time.

My head has been in a different space to you for some months now. Sure, I've paid you attention lately but .... you and I know, my heart's not in it. Not really. Not like it used to be.

Now, don't go getting weepy on me. We've had five fantabulous years. You have given me some of the sweetest, purest, most honest love and support I could have ever dared hope to find in this big www-orld. I have a sentimental place in my heart for you. I have adoooooored sharing the parts of my life on here that have tickled me, saddened me, angered me. But Bloggy - and this is so hard to say - I'm bored. And I think you're bored of me, too. Let's just admit it.

I have other things I need to do. There are other ways I need to share my energy now. I don't have a need to divulge here anymore, because the book project has recently been adequately filling that need. If I seem distracted here, it's because.... I am. I realise it may come as a shock to you, you thought I would always be here. I thought I would, too. But I see now, it had to end sometime.

If I go places - any place - with this book, it has to have a home. And I also... it pains me so greatly to say.... I just cannot have you sitting here, out in the wide open, if and when I do get it published. I'm just not comfortable with that. So, though I'm undecided, the curtain may not only be drawn, but I might have to .... er, put you to nigh-nigh's as well. Now, now, now. Don't be alarmed. I WILL still be around. In one form or another.

I am actually rather excited to get started on not one, but TWO new blogs. Real proper, blogs, no less. An energetics work one and a book one. I see that the way the world is working, in terms of authors establishing themselves and creating interest/desire and so forth, is via the blogging (and Facebook/Twitter) medium. I can't very well see myself running you as well as putting so much effort into one about the book. But I also do still very much want to keep in touch with the many wonderful, dear-hearted people I have come to know, sometimes even rely on for witty encouragement or opinions. And so I will combine a little bit of the feel of you with a fresh new direction on a semi-personal blog, but ultimately a useful, practical one.

To be honest with you, Bloggy, I have been soul searching for the longest time about whether it's necessary of me to keep banging on here. I think my recent uncertainty on you, where I unashamedly gnawed my own foot off with paranoia was just my conscience shaking me up and saying, "Dude. Let it go now. It's time."

I needed you. I truly did. And who knows, I may live to regret letting you go, I may come running back here, tail between my legs, with everything all gone to shit. But I have to try. And I won't know unless I do a clean break with you.

Goodbye, dear friend, Blog. I have loved you so.


To all my readers - only such a very few of you who are reading lately these days, which is telling in itself of my need to close this down - I have dearly loved this journey.

Some of you have been with me from the very start, back when I was unsure I would have enough to say to last a month. That was in September 2005. Five years, several miscarriages and not one, but TWO starring beauties (our two girls, Ellanor and Lolly) later, here I am. Relatively unscathed and deeply grateful to you for sharing it all with me. YOU GUYS have been the meaning of world peace to me. Sappy as it sounds, it's bloody true. To think I have the modern-day version of pen pals from all over the world, keen to share an interest, simply by literally just Being Me, is so very humbling.

But it is time consuming in its need to keep whetting your collective appetite! And when I think of what I want to be doing with my time, when I'm hanging in here almost solely for the sake of staying connected with you all..... well, the solution seems simple to me, really. A bit like Henry Higgins when he sings - "I've grown accustomed" to your 'faces'. For I truly have.

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
I've grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I've grown accustomed to the tune
That she whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now,
Like breathing out and breathing in.

I was serenely independent
And content before we met.
Surely I could always be that way again - and yet,
I've grown accustomed to her look,
Accustomed to her voice,
Accustomed to her face.

Promise I won't leave you hanging too long. I am going to go away now, work on my book, be with my family, wait out the lake around my house that won't dry up so we can finish the decking and garden (I never did show you how the house is looking now - which is, of course, fab!). And just as importantly, I need time to polish my manuscript, keep my energies balanced, contribute to Earth Healing and begin the two new blogs to keep you abreast of my directions with both these "lines of work" I have been trying to ineffectively juggle as well as maintain some form of contact here.

So it's time - a little overdue, in fact - for me to cut this blog loose. I DO HOPE ever so much that you will follow me on either or both the new blogs..... uh, once I've made them, that is. I will come and update here with links when they are up and running.

Until then, I hope to keep track of you on your blogs and, as always, would dearly love to hear from you via here or email, if I can be of assistance in any way ;) Don't be strangers!

But before I stop here, I do have one huge favour to ask you to weigh in on. And that is,
tell me what you want to see on a new blog. More importantly, how would you like this one to remain? Would it offend terribly if I took this blog down completely? Would you like to see some of the groups of posts (labels) kept in some form or another on the other blog/s? Have your say. After all, this has been your space, too.

I can't promise there will be any more kiddy updates (in fact, though it pains me, there probably won't be anything personal like that - but maybe there's an opportunity for a private blog for that down the track, she is starting school in 2012 after all! I'll need an outlet, surely, by then!), but I do hope you will still recognise my 'voice'. Daggy as it is.

Love to all. Peace out, peeps.

Late edit: Guys, I won't be deleting anything, rest assured *taps nose* I am too much of a magpie-hoarder for that to ever happen! So that's not what I meant. But any personal blog I leave public, I hope you understand, will have to be quite filtered - all family stuff removed, the book and the esoteric/energy work (basically, the Universe and Colour Energy Healing and Animal Totem labels) will be redirected to two different places. I envisage I will continue with something along the lines of this blog but will be making it private (you'd all be welcome to view it!). That way, I will be protecting my family and myself, personally, and will no longer feel like I'm torn in three different directions. My purpose, posts and focus in every space will all be clearer. Does that sound okay?

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