Thursday, June 5, 2008

Is this what's known as jumping the shark?

Life feels so full at the moment. In good and not so great ways. There feels like less and less time to be spontaneously "creative" and post an entry on here. My link to my inspiration seems to have been severed for a few weeks now, but was really brought about by The Great Gastro of '08.

Since then, I have realised that much of my creative time and energy is being poured into places where it ought: the LGBB and the book (which is symbolic to me of Ella, of course). Today we spent the morning in the garden, an exercise still somewhat tedious (because the LGBB is still not walking on her own and so therefore clings to me and whines if her hand so much as touches dew-drenched grass) but we had a lovely time and really enjoyed looking for ants and little flowers and moss, while I fended off Jazz and Pep who were desperate to plant doggy kisses on a willing toddler recipient. Yesterday we walked up to the mobile "truck library", which was a joy on wheels to behold, apparently (if you ask Lolly).

I've been reorganising my (paid) working life in the past month as well. I've taken on a new customer service auditing contract, which means I only have as much or as little as I go out and seek. It's working perfectly for my shift in focus. I really do feel like things are being changed for me in order that I have no more excuses to get on with my etheric responsibilities on an ongoing and less sporadic basis. I know they're waiting. And they're so, so, so patient with me that it makes me very humble.

What's left over of my time is spent diligently sitting still. Yes. It is that hard for me to give myself time out - not by way of a call to friends or going for a walk or actively doing anything at all - but I really do need it.

I keep forgetting that I am doing a great deal of work even without realising it. Yesterday I went and did Violet Ray - "the Vibrational Physican: Active spiritual strength of body, mind and energy" - and it just expanded my awareness to a whole new level. I'm learning to heal myself through this work, I can genuinely say now six months in to the year, in order to turn it outside of myself and give it back out. Anyone can do this, although I've come to see that it takes great dedication to take it on and incorporate it into my life (I've not been so good at doing any of the practices or exercises I've been learning each month and I really am working at creating space - out of that still time with myself - to get it happening). Everyone's take on this work/methodology/practice is going to be different, which is what makes it so interesting to me. I sit each month next to a girl who's been seeing people who have no idea they've died. I've met people who feel animals in pain and can find them in the bush, who have dreams about murder victims asking them for assistance, who can communicate with guides and other teachers but have no idea how to channel it so they stop being "harassed" by these entities, to name a few. It's fascinating but it goes beyond that. This is not a place of fantasising what these people are experiencing or creating a "WOW!" factor from it all or sensationalising their experiences in any way. It's a place to learn how to effectively place what's happening to them in a context within their lives that makes sense and works for the good of everyone - the "All", Earth.

So I wonder 'where to from here' with my blog, for the first time since I started making entries, I am actually beginning to run out of steam. It's almost as if, instead of writing about what's happening in my life, I seek the peripheral things always. There needs to be a redressing of the balance now. I don't actually have the time at the moment to think of things to say, for the sake of keeping the blog going. So it seems to me that the wisest and most logical (but scary, for me) thing to do is to just share this other side of my purpose. It's going to take some practice to do it - reason being, I don't necessarily want to typecast myself or paint a picture of someone who's all one thing; I don't want to alienate anyone or cause discomfort through what I choose to write about. Hah... I suppose this will just be more practice for what I can expect once I start actively putting my book out, because it's turning out to be not what you (or I, for that matter) might have thought it'd be about.

As far as healing tools and outlets go, this blog has been one of the big, pivotal ones for me and it will probably continue to be so. I'm not about to let it go or stop contributing to what I've built here. But I think, just as I warned in November last year when I went through an initiation of sorts (regarding what's really at work here in my specific calling) and worked with Ellanor for the first time with a mother who almost lost her life during childbirth, I have to once again warn...

This is going to start getting trippy, I suspect, from here on in. As long as I can maintain the guts and push away the fear to share what I experience. Read (or not) as you will. But I think I'm being given a fair rap on the knuckles for not sticking with my job.

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