Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I couldn't make this up if I tried

Ok, so last Thursday I did White Ray. White is the Ray of the Will to be Well (for refreshing the Energy Well of the Free Spirit). Right? That's the background to this.

I have had a dragonfly - a big, noisy one - flitting in and around the deck for the past week or two. This morning, sitting at the kitchen table working on my book, it came sauntering in the door I had left open for Jazz and Pep, and started bashing itself against all the walls in here and around my head.

Being the girl I am, I squeaked a stifled scream and retreated into the entrance of the house, leaving him to it and willing him back out the open door. He didn't and continued to really bang himself into things. Resting on the kitchen window sill, he seemed quite frantic to get back outside. So I inched past the kitchen and opened wide the windows out to the deck, hoping on his next round of the room, he'd just keep banging against walls until he found the "open wall" and flew out. But he didn't. He perched on the kitchen blind and there he remains, even as I type this.

He looks far too delicate for such acrobatics. I took this as something I need to look at. After all, there is no water around here and certainly none on the deck or inside the house, for him to be searching for insects or other food. And he has only been hanging around in the past fortnight (that I have seen/noticed, anyway).

So I went to my growing reference library of work books from Peace Space. I started with the White Ray manual, having just done this one - we didn't read every single mandala in the work book, for we would have been there a second day if we did - because I could see in my mind's eye the line drawing of the dragonfly and the heading... so I knew it was a paper I had seen somewhere sometime.

Lucky for me, Dragonfly energy is part of White Ray healing, so I found it in the first place I looked. Heh! And here is what it means:

Dragonflies live in two realms, water and air. Dragonflies mate in mid-air and lay their eggs in the water. The eggs hatch into nymphs and can spend up to five years in the water before they emerge into full-grown dragonflies. Adult dragonflies chase away other predators seeking their eggs and maintain a watch over the area where their young develop.
Dragonflies are mostly seen flying along riverbanks and waterways in their search for food. in mid-air, they scoop up their food - other flying insects - with their spiny legs which are held out to form a sort of catching basket. Being territorial, the Dragonfly "patrols" a fixed area and is often seen landing on bushes or trees to rest. Their most used sense is sight, their eyes having 30,000 lens facets that detect the subtlest movement or shifting in the light.

Dragonfly challenges you to understand the watery emotions of your child-self and the responsibility you now shoulder as you move from water (your tears) to emotional maturity.
Dragonfly calls upon you to find emotional balance in all that you do. To find this balance, there is often a need to get fresh air and new light into the situation or issue that concerns or limits you.
Dragonfly tels you it is time to go out an dcheck your boundaries for intrustions that can create illusions and thus deceive you.

Get rest for yourself so you can release stress and find reason within concerning what is bothering you. Meditate or take a walk in Nature to clear the air and your airways for new light, new thought and new focus to enter. Make room for your instincts and sense of sight to express themselves. Do not be satisfied with just one view of the issue at hand. Look at things from all points of view. Discern what is correct for you. Let new ideas take shape so you can grow.

Dragonfly signals to you that you must find your own solutions.

Once again, the timing of this little visit inside the house this morning is not lost on me. Today, the section I felt compelled to write about was my "sensitivity" and how this was presented to me as I grew up as being something I should try and shut down/out. That there are two meanings, as I came to learn as I grew up, to the word "sensitive".

I have found these varied but connected meanings today, from dictionary.com:
1. endowed with sensation; having perception through the senses.
2.readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences.
3.having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.
4.easily pained, annoyed, etc.
14.a person who is sensitive.
15.a person with psychic powers; medium.
So yes, I would say I am probably a little of all these things. A combination. I am writing about the pain in being called 'sensitive', in its negative sense, and I can see I was immature in my handling of the accusation. I didn't own my sensitivity (both being sensitive and being a sensitive) until very, very recently. In no small part, I have my friends to thank for this awakening. At least, for keeping me right on track with staying with it and accepting it as not all bad to be sensitive (mind you, I could do without feeling every little thing! That bit's a pain in the ass at the best of times), if nothing else.

To me, the appearance of this dragonfly reminds me that I am maturing, have matured, emotionally into more of my being in belief than ever before in my life. Whilst also acknowledging and nurturing that little girl I was previously and all she endured and experienced in order for me to have a pretty full suitcase by now.

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