The first one I did was back in 2003, a couple of months before I conceived Ellanor (ooh, must remember to add that in to the book), and it honestly rattled my cage so badly that I vowed not to do another ever again. It eventually took the death of Ella and a further 18 or so months before I felt game and strong enough to be challenged and assisted by any more of this colour work.
Magenta fell just too close to home for me personally, in the beginning, and it took a few years to integrate and accept it from that first time around. I resisted all of the teachings in the manual and from the day. I did change, albeit slowly. What also ensued was an awakening that included the conception and birth, ultimately also the death, of my first child. I'm not saying it was because of the class that any of that happened. But in hindsight, I could have been much better assisted and supported by means of my own internal methods of healing - instead of looking outward for it everywhere I went - had I started the full course from the beginning and not just picking up mid-way through the year. Shiddappens, I know. And it all went right way, anyway. After all, in reaching out for several years needing support, I also began truly supporting others (where prior to this, I was almost without fail a rock for everyone else and didn't lean on anyone for any thing). It's just interesting for me now to note, having done several more and yet only just doing the first one yesterday, after four years, that there is an order to it all (this method of healing/work). I never saw it clearly before.
So Green Ray. Hmmmm. It was lovely, if not posing a challenge for the coming year (and then some). Basically, this is the Ray of the "true healer who works from hands and heart to heal hurt and to give hope". In the deficient state of the psyche, Green can actually manifest as something I have been feeling for quite a while - "I don't get enough" (enough from whom? For I have come to understand through some fairly harsh life lessons that you can't expect more from others than they are prepared to give, whether or not they are/should be able. So the "not enough", to me, means that I am constantly attempting to fill myself up via others - and that's just not on anymore, it's a redundant method of suriving that I can no longer attempt to use). In the fear state, it has the feeling of "fear of taking responsibility/fear of not being responsible" .. which, uh, many of my close friends would avow is me to a tee most often. Funny, I'm just realising that most if not all of my dearest friends have come about since the death of Ella. And so it's not lost on me that they don't know the "old" me. I'm getting to know me and all those changes at virtually the same pace as them, which is a bizarre yet beautiful aspect and what makes the connection I have with each and every one of them so very special and important (to me and who I am shaping into now).
I've been in a cycle of having a permitted experience with it all, though, which is my take on it, for a number of months (perhaps even a year or two). And I think it's come full circle now and in being available yesterday - as well as being able to sort out care arrangements for the LGBB - for the first time to do this particular Ray (the same 13 colour ray classes are done each year in roughly the same month of the year and I have never made myself available for this one at the beginning of each new year), indicates to me that 2008 is going to be a big one for me. For my healing. And dang.... I have to heal myself. Doesn't that just let everyone else drop off the hook? I'm so relieved. I'll bet "they" are too.
It's time to hone and discipline my gifts and abilities. I am vowing to make this year the year it starts to really pull together too. The new house has such a great energy flow, the property itself is extremely powerful - possibly due to its positioning as much as to do with the earth itself in this pretty part of the world - so I have a wonderful nurturing space to start unfolding it all. The visual I get is an artist rolling back his cotton sack to reveal all the brushes and tools for a fresh canvas. It's very exciting.
When I went and meditated this morning - outside here for the first time and it felt awesome, so safe and protected - Spider came to me. A big floating spider, very joyous and free-feeling. When I say "came to me", I don't mean some hulking great spider plonked on my head (although the passing thought occurred to me at the time that, had it not been in my mind's eye but rather .. er, on my shoulder or somewhere else on my person .. I wondered if I'd have been so open to the message!).
After I'd had that time to myself, I came in and looked up Spider. Here's its deal:
Spider
Many cultures consider that it was the Spider who wove the primordial alphabet and that the angles formed by the weave of the web are what gave rise to the letters. Spider was thus considered the first great language teacher. When the Spider weaves its orb web, it weaves safe radial tracks, or scaffolding threads, of non-sticky silk from the centre tio the edge of the web, thus forming a wheel which relates to the Wheel of Life. These radial threads are the supports for the circular sticky silk threads of the web. The Spider travels back to the centre again and replaces the non-sticky silk with sticky silk which it ties to each radial thread, moving the weaving ever outwards in a circular spiralling pattern. The Spider "twangs" the spiral threads to form the "gum" into sticky beads. The sticky spiral threads snare the insects on which the Spider feeds. Spiders are able to travel around the web via the non-sticky radial threads and, with the use of claw-like bristles on the end of its legs, it can hold onto the sticky threads without becoming caught. Should the Spider come in contact with the sticky part of its web, the oil from its body will prevent it from getting stuck. Spiders have a great abilits to repair and rebuild any damage to their webs. If a web is broken or knocked about one day, then in the light of the morning dew the following day, you will be able to see it rebuilt in its full beauty and integrity.
When Spider appears, it asks you to look at the web you have woven. Look at the language you have used to weave to get your way through life. Is there a need to mend broken lines of communication with those close to you? You may need to revise the language you once used and find more compassionate threads of interacting. Spider suggests that, if you are feeling stuck or unable to move forward, you may have become caught in someone else's web or may be snagged by your own negative thoghts or words. Re-evaluate what you have created for yourself and those around you. Spiders feed on insects which can represent negative thought forms so it is prudent to check what energy you have been projecting via your thoughts. Are you getting more attention than you want or need? Is it perhaps time to untangle what you have been weaving? Have you been running around in circles instead of taking a more direct path to where you need to go? Have you been beating around the bush instead of getting to the point? Now that Spider has approached you it may be a good time to review any damage or weak areas in your network. Discard the old that no longer serves you, pick up the threads of value and re-weave your web in a renewed direction. Spider wisdom reminds you that it is human to get caught from time to time, for that is what the Wheel of Life is all about. However, Spider's appearance will encourage you to look for what you meed to clear out or change. There may be new opportunities waiting on the edge of your old web. It is time to clear the way for a new expression of yourself to grow, weave new integrity into your old patterns and so let the beauty of a new and truer you sparkle in the light of a new day.
I just love the beauty in the animal wisdom I've so far come across. It's always so very meaningful, as long as you are aware of how and when they are coming to you. And that it is always there for anyone, so long as they are willing or prepared to look.
