Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Survival of the fittest

I'm not as fit as I thought. I ran out of steam just three days in to the two-week marathon that is

*cue the music in a minor key*

The School Holidaaaaaaays  mooo-hahahahaaaa.

I admit to finding it very hard this year so far, this one-on-one with the main beautiful 'thing' in my life that causes me to keep breathing and living - the LGBB - because if it's at all possible, she seems even more mentally voracious this year. I get up early just to be ready for her. She gets up moments after me. No matter WHAT time of day I rise. No kidding, if I get up at 5:15, there she is at 5:20. If I get up at 6:50, there she is at 6:51. HOW??? It's uncanny. She's always done it. Only on the rare occasion do I get a blissfully peaceful half hour or more to myself in the mornings. Usually, I have to grab a blanket and order her to lie next to me because "it's far too early for anyone to be up.... Er.... and uh, do as I say, not as I do...."

I've dropped from last year having 18-20 hours of child-free time per week to just 11. I've felt it. Keenly. And those extra hours when my child is home with me - my home is, obviously, where we live, but also my workplace as well as an ongoing renovation site - feel just a little more claustrophobic this year. Even though the LGBB is at the same time becoming more and more enjoyable (read: less whingey) to be around. She's a sheer delight. But even she needs something else other than her mother, one on one, for all these seemingly dragging hours every week.

I wish I could give her more. I wish siblings were not so unattainable.

This year, the weeks during Term 1 seemed even more tricky to navigate in terms of juggling the LGBB's needs, my needs, work life and home duties. I get just two days a week [she does two kinder sessions of 6 hours and 5.5 hours... sounds like lots of time, doesn't it? It's really not] to cram in as much relatively free-thinking Me-Time as I can. I class this Me-Time as anything that doesn't involve having to cater to a little person who is self-sufficient but who just chooses to come sit by me. And interrupt every. Two. Fecking. Minutes. Because I am awesome. Obviously. There is just no leaving me alooooooone.

So it's time for me to catch up on paid work. Time for me to clean a hole in clutter on the kitchen benches. Time for me to run a vacuum over the floor as fast as I can. Time for me to get grocery shopping done. Time for me to meal plan (Ha! hahahahaha, never happens). Time for me to at least consider what I should make for dinner.... Many things it's time for me to do. Which makes the time the LGBB away feel crammed and hectic, but at least I'm on my own to do them for that little while.

Funny. Ironic. Hypocritical of me. When just six years ago, I was lamenting being "alone, alone, alone" day after endless, mind-numbing, heart-searing day. Funny, also, when I am desperate for school to start - in both a "please, make it come so I can get lots of delicious hours to do my work and writing and study" and a "please, don't ever let the time come so I can keep her coccooned from this cruel world of taunts and opinions and judgements and Justin Bieber songs."

It seems I cannot be satisfied, I think is the point of this post.

As you were.

Oh, no wait. I did have one question before you go:

School Holidays - love 'em or hate 'em? And why?

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