Why did it take me til only recently to be satisfied with my justification of the number of days/hours the LGBB is "seeing her friends" (at occasional care)?
Since we've had the house on the market, which would have been about two months ago now I'd guess, she has been going three times per week, 3.5-4 hours at a time. She lurrrrves it. I wouldn't be comfortable sending her if she didn't. But it seems, the more hours she's spent there, the more she has enjoyed her home away from home.
Even yesterday, when I dropped her off at 8.30 and was very wary about doing so in light of the past week, I asked Penny (a lovely older staff member/carer at the centre who's into wooden toys and alternative/Steiner/whatever you want to name it teachings) to take extra special care of Lolly. That she had been feeling rather sensitive to either or both Steve and I leaving the room, let alone the house. I hadn't seen much of her since Thursday and had been gone for much of the weekend and virtually all day Thursday and Friday. So by the time Monday morning rolled around, that little powerhouse of a LGBB had only had a few short hours with just her mum and dad on Sunday afternoon. And she let us know she was unsettled by way of her altered sleep patterns, her numerous night wakings and crying out (she is still doing this, it may take a few more days yet for her to settle too from recent events).
So I dropped her off with a big kiss and a big hug, trying very hard to mask exhaustion and so forth (although I realise they just pick up on it and it must be rather confusing for a child to see a smile plastered on your face over the top of what they sense is unease), and called to check on her two hours later. She was fine. When I went to collect her, she was commanding a corner of the darkened room - for it was sleep time for the other children - and chatting to the bears there.
If we had other people to call on, I daresay some sort of regular arrangement could be made. A day could be agreed on. I am past the point of huffing over the fact that people I would have hoped to be willing to see her as often as they could are in fact not doing that and rather than take it personally myself, or on behalf of my daughter or Steve, I simply accept that it has not happened that way because that is not what Lolly needs. So this occasional care replacement, while it costs somewhat more than a relative or friend taking the LGBB for a day or half day, is the ideal thing.
It can't work both ways for people who are only "half" in her life. And I think the LGBB has very adequately informed me of her need for time without me and with whom she will have it. For now.
