|Image came from here|
Stymied. I wanna be like Hymie (in Control). But I'm currently stumped. I lack my zeal. For anything.
I took a short break this week, didya notice? No, I bet nobody did. I guess I should quickly update that no news is not necessarily good news and that I went to Monday night's information night for the beautiful Heartfelt organisation. I went to their exhibition in the city and stayed for drinks, chips and a breath-taking (literally) presentation from Gavin Blue.
But, alas, I doubt my skills are going to cut it. It seems a piece of paper - or at least, more skills than what I possess - is what they are looking for. I have done all I can; sent in some examples at their request (I felt proud but a bit funny about using my personal photos of Ellanor to prove to somebody that, yes, I can use the tools of my trade and recreate facial features and whatnot, in order to show my talent).
Henyway, perhaps they're just busy. But I've heard nothing back, despite reading an update the next day that two new retouchers had joined up (no... I don't think I am one of them! nothing was formalised and it is a very well-run team). My best guess is they don't need me, so I'm thinking.... I wasn't good enough. And while on the one personal hand I'm gutted, on the other hand no mind! All that matters is a) that I went and offered my help, and b) that my skills have been perfect for me and Steve to see Ella without the heart-tugging reminders of her precarious journey through her short four-week life. And better still, it has allowed me to introduce our second daughter to her deceased sister - something I didn't realise until last weekend that I have gifted the LGBB. I need no further proof that my skills are "good enough" than that.
I want to thank each and every one of you who commented, emailed and .. er, twitterered (tweeted? that sounds better) about this and encouraged me to at least go. Without your support after I made this post, I would have stayed home and kicked myself for not going. Oh how I love to self-flagellate at whim for no real legitimate reason.
At the very least, all I can say is, whoever you know, wherever you are in Australia (if you do live here), please do keep this organisation at the front of your mind. You just never know when you might need to suggest them to someone you know. And they are, indeed, truly exceptional. Trust me on that one. I don't say it lightly.
So. As that was the start to my week, I have felt somewhat like a slowly deflating balloon ever since. Couple that with the hot topic around the Aussie blogosphere this week about whether you're a Mummy Blogger or not (STOP... my head.... it friggen hurrrrts!), on the back of what was (for me, at least, I still maintain) a wonderful and fun and personally fufilling weekend in Sydney at the Aussie Bloggers' Conference - and I am waning in gusto to do another post right now.
Despite the fact I didn't meet everyone in the room and possibly, therefore, contributed to this general view that is going around about people being snobbish or cliquéy or not letting non-Mummy-bloggers feel welcome (when in reality, I only stuck to the same few people I had already met by the end of the night because I am shy and retiring and get overwhelmed and sensitive towards crowds of energies in a room... and there were many and they were vastly varied!), I'm still so glad I went.
By the end of this very loooong week, I am trying to work out whether all I once saw in my blogging community is actually just a shadow or a farce or whether it was actually truly there (and still is), because WE made it so, collectively. All of us. Even the bloggers who are part of that particular community who aren't actually even mothers!
Put all of that above together and you are left with one sorry mess of a Mummy/Blogger/Wife/Friend/Disgruntled Pet Owner (I won't even BEGIN to bore you with the many ways the animals are giving me the shits) tonight.
I have actually paused a moment from packing (and putting together the kinder newsletter... oh yeah, there's still a hint of Mummy Blogger in me) to tell you I won't be back til Monday. Ok, Sunday night at the earliest.
You see, Steve, Lolly and I are taking a quick vacation down to the seaside for a little spot of internet-free camping.
I am desperate for the time out. An enforced break from this crazy whirlwind I seem to have whipped myself into.
So, I maintain, I am stymied. I bid you adieu, wish me luck and no rain (or lots of it, depending how much you like us). While I'm gone, I'll see if I can't string together a few more happy post ideas, eh? And a way to get my head around this current feeling of losing my community that I didn't realise was so important to me until it began disbanding.
Consider these my presents to you on my return. Because I sure as hell ain't bringing back any souvenirs. No more room in the car! Who knew you needed to take so much shite camping??