Saturday, January 22, 2011

The score is 14-10 and I've gone mad

This post comes to you from a slightly more than usual deranged mind. In the past 24 hours, I have managed to get myself so many mozzie bites that I have now taken leave of my senses with the itchiness and am likely to be seen by this evening running down the street screaming incoherent profanities at Banshee pitch.

Ten bites occupy the space between the lower calf/shin to ankle on my left leg. Fourteen dominate my right leg in the same tiny area.

I have taken to rubbing with the flats of my hands. Anything, ANYTHING. Even my old trick - the mild Chinese burn (am I allowed to call them that anymore??) - doesn't work because of the location.

I've always been tasty to mosquitos and things that like to dine on human flesh and blood. Mmmmm, yummo. But these are particularly raging. And now, with all my rubbing ankles together in my sleep and scraping off the top layer of skin with my nails and the palm smoothing, I have angered the bites. They're glowering back at me, their centres a strange glowing golden colour with a halo of deep pink that bleeds out onto my skin.

And if one more person suggests Sting-Goes or Itch-Aid or No-More-Scratch-Til-It-Bleeds, I will gouge their eyes out. Whadda they think?? That I haven't tried these? Of course I have. None of them have worked for me yet. We're talking..... raaaaaaaaging itch. I'd like to go so far as to say I'm allergic to mosquitos.

There are a few natural remedies I haven't tried yet, though. When I was a little kid, I remember my grandparents rubbing a slice of potato on my foot..... I don't recall that it worked, although I think I did say it did because of their hopeful faces (like the grandma giving Adam Sandler the meatballs and watching him taste it in The Wedding Singer). But if I believe what I read online, I'm going to smell tasty enough to roast by this evening after I rub on a clove of garlic, then dab on some lemon or lime juice, vinegar, salt, horseradish and honey. I think I'll go with this recipe first:

Finely grate a potato, add some raw onion and vinegar and mix to a fine paste. Apply.

Sounds intriguing. But I'm desperate. I'm breathless with concentrating on not itching these ITCHY BEYOND ALL MTHRFKNG GET-OUT asshole mozzie bites!!!!  Why don't they go pick on someone their... own.... size?

So, come on. I know you want to. Hit me with your best sure-fire itch reliever. The winner receives a reprieve from getting their eyes gouged out.

Edited:  And while we're at it, any tips on prevention?? We've had a great reminder already in the comments to up the Vit B's (I have heard before that it's a sure-fire sign of B-deficiency if you are devoured by thirsty mozzies, but do you think I remember to take anything? Will be speaking to my naturopath for sure!).

So far, some GREAT itch relief suggestions, all, keep them coming! I know different bodies respond differently to remedies, so hopefully this might help others who happen across this post in the "whenever" too. 

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