I have mentioned previously the irony of my sometimes one and only saviour in a years-long strive for children being not the most ideal choice for family pet where young children might be concerned. It didn't mean we were ever going to give her away - give up on her - when our only surviving child finally came along. In fact, it meant we could finally complete our family (in a strange mixed-species kind of way).
I am having a really difficult night of it. Could be the end of an emotional week. Could be the fact that Steve inadvertently slipped that he was going to go and "feed the dogs"..... before looking at me with a pained, apologetic look. But I lost it. I was sitting on the LGBB's bed at the time and just let go the tears.
I miss her still. Dreadfully. The more old (young, prime) photos and video footage I see, the more I yearn. It is right this way, though. She lived a very long, full life. She was a dog to top all dogs - no, not yours! of course - and no matter if we rescued another fifty dogs, we will never find another Pepper.
How freaking lucky was I, to find her? I will appreciate that girl for the rest of my days.
Here she is, being introduced to our daughter (aged about four months, is my guess) for the first time. Note how she is all about me, regardless of the new "thing" that she knew was taking all our time and attention away. Loyal, always loyal, to her masters. Putting herself at the end of the line, where any well-serving, dutiful dog should go.
And then there's Jazz. Gorgeous in her own way, but so happy-go-lucky that it kind of makes me want to slap it out of her some days. It always did. Where Pepper had the weight of the world - the weight of my reality, really - on her shoulders, Jazz had only the buoyant promise of New Life on hers. Like the yin-yang of life itself. I do so love and cherish them both. But my heart will forever be with Pepper. She was like a saviour to me.
Today, I don't mind saying..... I am really, really feeling her absence and feel misunderstood by everyone. She always "got" me (mostly 'cause she couldn't talk and stuff up! Don't you love how dogs do that for you? Just give and never take? Sweet relief)
