Wednesday, July 29, 2009

That just proves it

I must eat far more than I need to. Not junk, just more.

I've lost 3kg since Saturday. I can only sip gently on Miso soup, other thin soups and sometimes I brave it and manage to slip a teaspoon in my mouth and have a tub of pureƩ fruit. I get Steve to make me banana smoothies, to keep up my potassium, because I can't hold the barmix - the vibration sets off an excursion to Excrutiation Village that I'd rather avoid. That's what I'm living on. The soup, fruit and smoothies, I mean. Not the pain excursions (although... they are a regular part of my day, I get dozens of these onsets and just freeze my body through them to avoid setting off stronger waves).

Everything else I can think of involves chewing.

Any suggestions? Temperature of food is also a byotch with this thing.

I sneezed this morning. It just about sent me out of my mind. I couldn't even cry about it. Not worth the ensuing pain to cry and feel sorry for myself.

Tonight, I'm going for acupuncture and to start taking a couple of strong herbal tonics. One of them, Magnol1 it's called, is for "vital exhaustion". Heh. I think I have vital exhaustion, fer sher! If you have a look at the symptoms, including patterns of pain in fibromyalgia, "Ultimate burnout / Vital Exhaustion (VE)" comprises of:
  • Feelings of excessive fatigue
  • Lack of energy
  • Increasing irritability
  • Feelings of demoralization
Well. I hadn't noticed that last one. But shee whizz, the others have been prevalent for so long I thought it was just me.

Isn't it just so alarming sometimes to turn around and realise what you've been living with and coping with for so long that it's become "you"? When it's not really you at all?

And I wonder, what have others possibly got going on, as a pattern of pain or fatigue or depression or otherwise, that they have incorporated into their being because "it's just been there for so long it must surely just be me"?

More later.

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