Friday, August 12, 2011

Don't judge me

Apologies in advance if you were after yet another D&M from Yours Truly. But this one is the piece-o'-fluff post that wrote itself - you know the ones? - over several weeks. The elusive post that was always going to have to be a work in progress because, dagnabbit, I kept thinking of things when I didn't have pen, paper or iPhone handy to jot points down.

So. Finally. Here it is. A piece I shall entitle......

Don't Judge Me

• Sometimes? I buy chocolate and don't share it. Not unheard of, I know. But when Steve asks if there's any, I tell him there isn't.... (don't judge me)
• I gag at the sight of spit on the footpath. I know I do this. Yet, still, I search for them, sometimes rather obsessively - particularly on train station platforms and the ramps leading up to same. I know not why.... (don't judge me)
• When the LGBB brings home lolly bags from parties, if there are any fun-size Smarties packets I keep them for myself before she can see them.... (don't judge me)
• I play with the dog by running around the island bench in the kitchen, calling her name to make her keep following me, even though I tell the LGBB not to use the bench as a lap circuit. In my [somewhat flimsy] defense, I do this when she is in bed.... (but still, don't judge me)
• I deliberately plant earworms in the LGBB's head because she sings them in the "voice" of Scraps, her soft toy dog. Seriously, until you hear good ol' Scrapsy belt out The Entertainer in a tuneful series of "bar-ar-ar-ar"s, you haven't lived. So... (don't judge me)
• I actually think I like the bloody cat.... (don't judge me)
• I get irrationally frustrated by eating sounds. As in, the sounds of people eating. The slurpier, the worse I take it. In fact, I can't even sit still thinking about this and typing it. My leg is jiggling in irritation.... (don't judge me)
• I tend to make stupid lists in my head. Good ones. But forget to write them down. A lot. Book plots, story connections, shopping lists for yummy recipes. Lost. I even sometimes announce an impending good blog post on the promise of such a list coming back to me. It often doesn't. And I post any old drivel in its place.... (don't judge me)

What don't you want to be judged for?

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