By the end of 2012, if I have not exhausted every agent (Australian or otherwise) and started croakily imploring "Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere?" Adele-style then please slap me, all of you, and tell me I should've tried much, much harder.
Here's the thing:
...I have a memoir ready to be published ... okay, polished by an editor of their choice then published.
...It's in two parts.
...Part 1 is 84,000 words - it loosely chronicles Steve's and my journey to parenthood for the first time and the abrupt end of our daughter's life.
...Part 2 is 77,000 words - it branches into the awakening of the positives to be found in the death of our baby, our IVF journey and culminates in the eventual "success" of a take-home baby. Enter stage left: The LGBB!
...I have been short-listing some agents since November but haven't nearly exhausted the list yet. It's a long process, trying to decipher who would be interested in my work.
I have had the diligent, supportive and helpful readers. I have had the critics. I have had the "you haven't written a book, you haven't even nearly finished writing yet" helpers who haven't read a single word {way to confuse me! I'm preeeeetty sure I have a well-rounded, well edited book here, or so I am being repeatedly told by very intelligent readers, so - with the greatest respect for your experience - perhaps offer to read it before you offer to tell me I don't have anything worth publishing yet!}. It's time to push the baby out of the nest.
But in which direction?
Ultimately, I feel the pressure of knowing none of it will have meant anything if I can't get this thing out there. I know, I know... the healing in the writing has to have been worth it... Blah-blah-blah. I'll cut to the chase and just say, no. It won't have been. If I can't get this off the ground, I will have fallen short of my goal and I can't let that happen. Not when Ellanor's memory is all over the darn thing. Besides, I never started writing it for any other reason. And I haven't written the book for that (self-healing). I was well through the worst of it when I began writing. As for the actual logistics of distributing the book, I'm not keen on self-publishing. I want to truly leave no stone unturned as I go down the traditional route of publishing. So I will be boning up on what I do know about how it all works - and will be scrambling to fix and change things according to what I learn, because there is SO much I don't know about how it all works! It's kind of like trying to find the end of a piece of string amongst a balled-up mass of intertwining threads and other people saying they have a vague idea of what you're looking for and where you'll find it, they saw it, oh... "over there somewhere, you'll find it, just keep looking..." Aaaaaargh. Just TELL meeeee!
*composure* Now I'm just starting to sound like Veruca Salt.
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What I hope to achieve is only going to be possible if someone has faith in the project. This is where I am going to call on the support of any readers out there who want to see it happen. Plenty of you have said "It HAS to get out there!" and "I am going to do all I can to spread the word... because the story needs to be told!" and words to that effect. It has buoyed and humbled me to the ends of the Earth. I truly hope that sometime in the not too distant future, I get to call you on your words and ask you to come good with them!
So, uh...... anyone know any good agent/s who don't mind a bit of real-life nitty-gritty wrapped up in a positive message?? Then help to hook me up, dagnabbit, starting with sharing this post! pretty please with a cherry on top
